Below you will find some English jokes - some are more funny than others! Click on one and have a laugh! If you know of any not on the list, contact us!
|A dinner date||A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the nights special|
|A memory problem||Two elderly couples were enjoying a friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "F|
|A misunderstanding||This man was pulled over for driving through a red traffic light. When the policeman checked the|
|A nervous flyer||A man is sitting in the economy section of a flight from New York to London biting his fingernail|
|A photography problem||"Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!"
"Hmm. Lets hope nothing
|Betty Sue||A man is reading his newspaper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of th|
|A problem with spots||"Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?"
"I never make rash promises!"
|Airline food||It was mealtime during a trip on a small airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight atte
|Memory loss||"Doctor, Doctor Ive lost my memory!"
"When did this happen?"
"When did what happen?"
|Anti-men joke no.1||Question : Why are married women heavier than single women? Answer : Single|
|Bad boys||Two brothers were always getting into trouble in their neighbourhood. The people in the neighbour|
|Cheese||Question : What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else? Answer : N|
|Curtain complaint||"Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains."
"Well pull yourself together then."
|An eating disorder||A man walks into the Doctors with an apple in one ear, a banana in the other ear and grapes up hi|
|Highway patrol||Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees|
|I dont want to go to school||Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. Its time to go to school!|
|In the theatre||When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theatre, he walked over an|
|A loss of memory||Three old ladies are sitting in a restaurant, chatting about various things.
One lady says,
|Pain everywhere||A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the do
|Problems with pronunciation||"Doctor, I cant pronounce my Fs, Ts and Hs." "Well you cant say fairer than that the|
|Punctuation||Its all in the punctuation:
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man i
|The aeroplane||One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are all sitting down, waiting|
|The bear||Two men are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the b|
|The boss and the secretary||A boss and his secretary are standing outside their building. The boss is late for a meeting and|
|The businessmans accident||One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and|
|The cats||There are two cats trying to cross a river. One of them is English, and is called One, Two Three|
|The depressed man||There was a guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stayed like that for half an hour. Then,|
|The desert||Why can you never starve in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there!|
|The doctor||Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, you might
|The firing squad||Theres an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman in North Africa. Theyve all run away from the|
|The good driver||A man was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the off|
|The graveyard||Why are there always high walls around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!!!<|
|The gullible father||"Mummy, what does the owner do to a car when it gets too old and rusty to work?" The little girl|
|The invisible man||A psychiatrists secretary went into her bosss office.
Secretary: "Sir, some
|Whats the difference…||Whats the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other ma
|The lottery winner||A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, pack your bags|
|The magic bottles||There were 3 friends stranded in an island. Exploring the island, the 3 men found a bottle so the|
|The pirate||A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling each other about their adventures a|
|The policeman and the old woman||A policeman is driving along the road when suddenly he sees a woman driving and knitting at the s|
|The pony||A pony walks into a bar and asks, "Bartender, may I have a drink?"
The bartender says, "Wh
|The psychiatrist||A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine then threw t|
|The robber||Late one night a robber wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well dressed man and stuck a|
|The sea||Question : What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? Answer : A ne|
|The secret of long life||A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldnt help noticing|
|The skeleton and the pub||A skeleton walks into a bar, and says "I want a beer and a mop."|
|The suicide-proof building||There are two men in a bar. After drinking about 10 pints of beer each, they are both very, very|
|The talking machine||A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The barman gives him his drink, accompanied|
|The theatre tickets||A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. After two weeks they came back and f|
|The ventriloquist||A ventriloquist is working in a local town and during his show a local stands up and yells, "Hey|
|The vet||A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dogs sick" he says. "Is there anything you ca|
|The wrong choice||A mother was anxiously waiting for her daughters plane. She had just come back from a far away l|
|What do you call…||What do you call a man who cant stand? Neil.|